Losing Weight From the Inside Out
Sun., Mar. 21, 2010 6:00 PM PDT by Ruby Gettinger
First of all, I can't believe I hired a private investigator! I was scared to death, and I didn't know if it was legal or not. But I needed answers, so I did find a private investigator—and thank God I found the best. Ron Palefsky ended up finding my Dr. Duke!
Dr. Duke was someone I trusted a lot as a teenager. The only memory I had of him was from the age of 13 on, so it was very strange for me to find out my mom and I started visiting his office when I was 9. It started when my mom lost the light of her life, her grandma Lola, who was like a second mother to her. Then, right after losing Lola, she started menopause. Dr. Duke has told me Mom was going through a clinical depression during this time. I had no idea she was suffering, and it breaks my heart that she went through this. I thank God that Dr. Duke was there for her!
Dr. Duke thinks I was overcompensating being happy back then. He feels like there was a lot going on with me but doesn't seem to know just what—or hasn't felt the freedom to tell me yet, if he actually does know anything. He has a theory that my mom was trying to feed me to keep me unattractive to men, because she may have feared something would happen to me. I really do not think this is true...
It wasn't like my mom was force-feeding me food from the age 13; I ate on my own. My mom, just like the majority of her generation, was not educated on eating healthy, correct calorie intake, good fats/bad fats, etc…a lot of people in our present generation aren't either, believe it or not! My mom is the light of my life, and I know she would never hurt me in a million years! It breaks my heart to hear her say she enabled me by letting me continue to eat bad.
A lot of people believe she is keeping something from me; if I ever found out she was, it would hurt me very badly, but I know it would only have been to protect me! And if she had known anything before, maybe she has forgotten too! My mom has given up so much of her life for her family and friends. If I were to find out today she was keeping something from me, my love for her would never, ever change!
Throughout this entire journey, my therapist, Tennie and many others have told me that once I started losing the weight I would start to remember my past. I thought to myself, These people are crazy; I love them, but they are insane! LOL! I didn't know what in the helicopter weight had to do with memories.
Well, for the past five months, I have had nightmares where someone is trying to kill me. I know who it is, but I can't see their face. My family and friends are there, and I want them to help me, but I am afraid that if I tell them, this person will kill them too. For years I never had dreams, and I have never had nightmares. I was also having trouble sleeping, which is why I went to the sleep clinic. There, Dr. Daly informed me that I am suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. He said my memories could be coming through my dreams. At that moment, I realized everything that everyone had been saying to me was true! I started crying like a baby.
The fear of all this overwhelmed me, and I knew then that something traumatic must have happened to me as a child. That could be one of many things, and I will not have anyone put any unfounded opinion in my head. Until I remember exactly what it was, I will never assume what the trauma was! Dr. Jane said it could be anything, even something small. The way a child perceives something is not the way an adult does. Children take everything to heart; they are very sensitive. That's why we must be so careful what we say around them or what we let them see.
I am searching for all the pieces to my puzzle, and it is not to accuse anyone. It is only for my healing. Just for the record, I do not believe for one second that anyone in my family ever hurt me! I have a very loving family. I am searching for the truth, and by the end of this year, I believe I will know it all. I will do whatever it takes to find my memories.
I love and thank you all for believing in me and supporting me. I thank you for your wisdom and advice through the mystyle.com community, Facebook, Twitter and MySpace. I am pushing through the mental, physical, spiritual and emotional like I never have in my life. Is it hard? God knows it is! But the hard road is the only road that will break any of our addictions, give us our dreams, and take us to our destiny!
Please remember: I am in search of the truth for me and for all of us! I know y'all are finding out a lot about yourselves through watching my struggles. You can contact Tennie for help by clicking here. She wants to help you, and her daughters Kristy, Kim and Cam will be there to help you with what you are finding out too! The longer you keep it a secret, stay in denial and live in the dark, the bigger your problems get.
Never give up! Live your life! You have inner beauty. You are priceless! Every one of us can beat our own beast. It is time to unlock the cages we have been living in and fly, my beautiful birds—fly, fly, fly with me!
xoxo,
Ruby
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Show the next 51 - 100 of 239 comments
Now loading...Teresa Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 8:44 PM
1. Ruby you are so beautiful. Keep the faith and keep up the good work.
Ruby your my inspiration Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 8:55 PM
2. Ruby, I am praying for you! Please stay strong. You have changed my life and I pray for the day I can tell you face to face. Ruby your a beautiful girl and it is very sweet you are willing to share Tenny and your doctor with everyone. Your my inspiration!
Carla Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 9:09 PM
3. I \'ve had a couple couselors who tell me I am a "text-book" case of child abuse. I remember very little of my childhood, when my brothers reminisce, I wonder...did I live there then? I recall no abuse, but I did seem to be alot more sensual than friends my age, I look back * wonder where I got it from. To this day, I find my identity in my sexuality...and being fat-doesn't make me like myself or even imagine that anyone else could either. Keep trying Ruby, I'll keep watching...maybe we will both have a revelation <3
Cynthia Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 9:16 PM
4. Ruby, I've watched your journey from the beginning,and you inspire me so!!!!!!!!!! You are beautiful,inside and outside,and sexy as helicopter!!! I Love You,Miss Ruby!!!!!!!!! Thank You for sharing so much of your journey with us.Peace,Cynthia
Kathy Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 9:19 PM
5. Dear ruby you are the sweetest person,I wish i had a best friend like you our a neighbor, you seem so warm and funny. I hope you find out what is bothering you and finally put it to rest. If your ever in hannibal NY which i dought you ever will be its a very small town in upstate ny(cold) please come and vist me and my daugther we watch your show every week, we love you ruby. Sincerly the Hughes
Kathryn Bochantin Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 9:19 PM
6. Ruby, I have been following your story. Many parts are similar. I have always been overweight, through school and my married life. The only time I was "svelte" was when I was in the army. During my school years, we moved every 1, 1 1/2 yrs. Yes, my dad was in the military. Sometime he was around, mostly not. He traveled quite a few countries, and only one place we joined him. Okinawa. My brother was born there. I was two. Up until high school, I remember bits of things I did. Tonite I sat down after your show and thought. I remembered more than I thought I did, but still no where near what I thought I should. It was a real eye opener to find out that not having my dad around too much would possibly cause me to eat too much. I was shy * In high school, I knew I had to put myself out there, so I joined speech class. I followed my mom's footsteps [yes, mom's] into the army, where I met my husband. After 40 yrs * he causes me a lot of stress. I admire your feistyness. Keep fighting.
Pam, Diane, Marge Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 9:23 PM
7. I am a big fan of you and your show! You are just a beautiful person inside and out. I need to lose weight for my health and to live for my children. My children areheaded in the same direction. It s ashame I can't help them, but watching you do this is helping them and me! thank you
Jenny loves Ruby Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 9:25 PM
8. You are a wonderful, brave, beautiful woman and look absolutely stunning. I have not missed one episode. I do not want to see you hurt Ruby. Please think second about searching for your memories! Keep up the excellent work!
Tracy Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 9:28 PM
9. Hey Ruby, if you only knew how much your journey has helped me on my own. I have had so many questions about my childhood that have gone unanswered, but I have built the courage up to start finding out some of those answers. Thank you Ruby for sharing your journey and helping to empower others.
Mia Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 9:29 PM
10. it is so nice to see your show. I am in Norway. You are an inspirational. Todays episode was about the lost your dad and my deepest condolances to you. I dont know how long ago this show was recorded? But I hope that you are still doing great! You look absolutely beautiful. And your heart and soul is amazing.
Esther Crawford Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 9:31 PM
11. Just wanted to say you are so beautiful and inspirational for all of us who have struggled with weight. I hope to someday get to meet you so I can give you a big hug! **
kelly Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 9:33 PM
12. Ruby, I feel lost all the time. Smile on the outside and cry on the inside. I really dont know what type of doctor to talk with, do you have any suggestions. Watching you makes me happy.
amy Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 9:36 PM
13. Ruby, have you considered hypnosis? There are hypnotherapists out there that might be able to help you bring those memories forward so you can deal with it and see what it is that was so bad. Good luck.
Alicia B Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 9:37 PM
14. Ruby I have been watching your show since it started, and I wanna say you are amazing. I wish I can meet you some day. I pray that you reach your goals in life. I am proud that you said you are a virgin by choice on T.V. It made me feel like I am not alone in this world. All I ever hear about is these people I grew up with are all teenage mothers. I am only 16 years old and I have many more years to come but I hope I can stay to my commitment like you have. i know this comment has nothing to do with what you have said up top sorry. I guess i will start by saying I to have a part in my life where I don't remember. When i was 3 years old I was ran over by a car. The paramedics pronounced me died at the scene. Unfortunately my older brother who had just turned 6 that day, tried to save me but got injured as well. He was expected to live he had 3rd degree burns all over his body from the muffler. I can't remember any or this my grandma and father told me this story. Please email me!
Sandee Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 9:38 PM
15. I have to say Ruby that I understand the whole issue with the protection thing with your Mom. I think she was probably protecting you, but not realizing at all that she would contribute to your weight battle in the future. How could she really know the future of your body? I have kids and I get the idea of doing practically ANYTHING in my power to protect them from harm and I'm not perfect and I'm sure I have already made some mistakes that will come back to haunt me some day. I guess I am just trying to say I think your mother was doing her best to protect you and that was her focus at the time. I am so glad you have each other and love each other no matter what truths are revealed.
DIane Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 9:38 PM
16. Dear Rudy, I too have been following your journey and can relate to so many of the things you are going through. I have battled my wieght-my eating and other addictions for the better part of my life. Recovery in the 12 step programs has saved me and has given me a life i never dreamed I'd have. I continue to learn daily and pray I always remain so. There is a catch phrase in the program represented by the acronym HOW- Honesty, Openmindedness, and Willingness and it seems you possess all three! Thank you for sharing your journey. DIane
Kelli Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 9:49 PM
17. Ruby whatever you do continue to stay close and love your Mother through this what seems like a difficult time for you guys. I admire the bond and how much you seem to love her. I lost my Mother a few years ago and wish we could have been closer than we were. I hope you are able to gain your memories back and I will continue to pray for your heart down the rest of this road.
Lynn Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 9:58 PM
18. Ruby, you are so brave for sharing all this with us. Thank you for being you and being so open with us! You're an amazing person.
Connie Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 9:58 PM
19. Ruby your episode tonight hit me to the core with the 12 steps and the loss of memories. I have been increasing in the plus size for most of my life and I am 35 now and 270 * I already lost the water baby weight and now I'm stuck). I had a baby 10 weeks ago and all I want to do is eat. The 12 steps talking about having a father die and food being a filler made me rewind. My father died when I was 1 1/2 and when i was 5 I was adopted by a lesbian couple so again no father. A lot happened to me when I was young some things I remember but there are many pieces missing and also bad anxiety nightmares. I feel for you in all of this and hope that the answers you are looking for come to you. I so far don't have the answers and I have spent alot of time with therapists for many of the things that have gone on. I wish you well and congratulate you for coming so far and for continued strength and positivity. =0) daffcon5@hotmail.com
miki Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 10:08 PM
20. I enjoyed Ruby last season, however this season I am dissapointed in how arrogant she has become. The way she speaks down to her friends who have been there for her through everything is shocking. It is almost as though, as she is losing the weight, she is losing her 'defense' mechanism and is replacing it with arrogance. I also found the way she treated Jeff's new girlfriend, and demanded to be the center of attention, appalling. Jeff and Georgia have stood by her side, Ruby needs to appreciate this. I miss the humble Ruby of last season.
Miki you are an idilot Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 10:16 PM
21. How can anyone watch Ruby and think those thoughts for one second? Bitter or jealous maybe both. You do not get Ruby's humor! She must be an incredible friend because they love her! I love her! If you actually watched Ruby you would know she was teasing with Jeff's girlfriend! Maybe you need to learn how to laugh and stop hating. Michael
Michele Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 10:19 PM
22. Ruby, You are so amazing!!! Thank you for sharing your life and story! God is using your life to touch so many lives! You are in my prayers for God's protection as you uncover your memories. I love you!! Michele
Allison Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 10:27 PM
23. keep searching for the truth! I am praying for you and I feel you will find out this year.
leslie Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 10:30 PM
24. Thank you for opening your life and your struggles to me. It has been such a blessing to watch you accomplish your dreams and to see your sweet spirit toward others. Keep encouraging and inspiring us! I pray we meet one day.
alex Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 10:36 PM
25. Ruby you are beautiful! I've never even met you but I feel like I know you. I wish I did. If I was one of your good friends I would never leave you and I would help you through your journey. You prove we can do anything! Thank you Your show is the best on TV!
Veronica Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 10:36 PM
26. Ruby, you give me so much inspiration and your story touches me deeply. I was in a car accident 6 years ago that changed the lives of my family and me. It was a horrible experience filled with devastation and very little hope of ever getting better. I see you with your struggles and it speaks to the very soul of me. You inspire me to get moving and to accept my body as it is and to not be afraid to get out there. I have healed from many rejection issues but still struggle with some. I'm getting better and am loving my life.
Cindy Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 10:43 PM
27. Ruby, I feel like you're a soul sister. I have begun a 12 step program for compulsive overeaters and am trying to find my truth as well. I love you and pray for you. May God bless you and surely we'll meet as we trudge the road of happy destiny.
penny Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 10:46 PM
28. I am a 16 overweight girl. my mom obsesses about my weight and had me on a diet with a doctor. It has been awful.. The only person who loves me no matter what is my dog. I feel like my mom will only love me if I am skinny. Ruby I love you and I do not know why watching you makes me lose weight. I feel you and my dog loves me. I sent you a email. Please check your email. You are so beautiful and I wish you could be my friend or sister. Thanks for showing me i can do this and you love me.
Tammy Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 10:54 PM
29. Ruby~I get what you are going through right now. I surpressed my molestation by a family friend for many years. As a teen I would wake up wetting the bed and the dream was the same everytime and I would hide it from my parents everytime. Then as a young adult I was raped a couple of times. I was a young mother and after having my older two boys I gained alot of weight and have never been able to lose it. Ten yrs ago I met my husband and he sooooo wonderful but he is just as big as I am. I held out for such a special man and now my biggest fear is that we will both die young. With all that being said I want you to know that getting those memories out and acknowledging them is sooooo very important no matter how good or bad they maybe. Just be sure to surround yourself with your support team while dealing with them! When I told my parents about my molestation my dad asked my mom if she thought I was telling the truth? I think this is part of my problem now....who knows? Love ya!
Tina Krieg Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 11:00 PM
30. Ruby I love your show and you!!! You are a wonderful inspiration to me. I have struggled with my weight thru out the years. About the time that I finally had "that dragon licked', I excercised daily and ate right finally my scale reached 135 lbs! I was so happy! FINALLY I had it whipped (so I thought). Then I started to slowly put on weight again, I was still walking 5 miles daily and still eating right. Why on earth was I gaining weight? I could not figure it out! Then with a trip to the doctor I found out that I had a form of thyroid cancer. With Gods blessing I was able to make a full recovery with a great prognosis. But now once again my weight climbed up again. So I am at square one again. But watching your show has really helped me! I admire you so much! You are so beautiful and strong, and you look fabulous! Keep up the good work and I love your show! God Bless you!!
Jeanne Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 11:06 PM
31. Ruby, Thank you for the inspiration you have given me to keep on my journey. I too was one of those people who didn't remember my childhood. I recognize your determination to know who you are. It is my experience that the mind will let you know what you are looking for when you feel safe and strong enough to be with and hold and process the information. I witness you forming your support team week by week. You are building a foundation in the here and now to support your process. Keep breathing and loving yourself. From someone who has been where you are I know for sure when every little part of you feels safe enough your process will unfold in perfect Divine order. Humbly, Jeanne
bernadette Sun, Mar 21, 2010, 11:20 PM
32. Hi Ruby, I LOVED the show tonight! The courage that you show is amazing! Not only are you fighting your demons, you are actively hunting them down so that they can't hurt you anymore! to me that is braver than brave! Go Ruby!!!!!!!!!
Cindy Mon, Mar 22, 2010, 12:42 AM
33. YOU CAN DO IT, RUBY! DON'T GIVE UP! REMEMBER THESE WORDS WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE PULLING INTO THE DRIVE-THRU... "NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS THIN LOOKS." GOOD LUCK ON YOUR JOURNEY. YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS. CINDY
tess Mon, Mar 22, 2010, 2:55 AM
34. Hi, Ruby. My name is tess. I just wanted to say that you are such an inspiration to me. Im 17 years old and i already weigh about 400 punds. i have recently really became sick with myself and have set forth on a ditet and plan to get in shape. i realy have your show to thank and your story. Ruby thank you so much, And you shuld be so proud of yourself * dont give up or settle for little ways out. you started at 700 pounds and you have gone such a long way you can do this **
CarolCJ Mon, Mar 22, 2010, 3:45 AM
35. Hi Ruby, I'm new commenting here. I'm not new to your life though. How brave you are to do all you are doing. Thank you for sharing it with us. I learn from you and recognize myself in you. I'm sure many others do the same. The picture of your mother is amazing. I have never in my 56 years on this earth, ever seen such beautiful eyes. I understand the love of your mother, unconditional. My mother is passed and missed daily. I so appreciate when others love their mothers, like you. It warms my heart. In December of last year, I had both my knees replaced. I am overweight at least by a 100 pounds and struggling daily to eat healthier and not gain back the 25 I lost. This is the longest I've kept off the weight I lost and that helps me to go another day without eating badly. You also help me. You inspire me. Thank you.
brenda stevens Mon, Mar 22, 2010, 4:10 AM
36. Ruby you are the strongest person I know! I feel like I know you! You are changing the world. I love you Ruby please keep going.
Carolyn Mon, Mar 22, 2010, 5:52 AM
37. Dear Ruby, MY husband suffered from PSTD when he returned from Vietnam. He is about 100 lbs. overweight and has some panic attacks. He told me that traditional psychotherapy didn't help him as much as hypnotherapy did to deal with the stress from the war memories. I still think there is something from his childhood that has caused some issues with him. His grandmother lived with him and he has no memory of her. His sister remembers her, but she was 6 yrs. older. It is interesting that we have someone visiting us as an exchange student and she doesn't have much memory of her childhood either. I can remember things so well and it makes you wonder what stress caused such a traumatic loss of memory in all these lives. I hope you find your TRUTH! Carolyn
Bnita Mon, Mar 22, 2010, 6:12 AM
38. Ruby you are so beautiful, and your personality is so fantastic. You are so strong, and give me inspiration all the way to Norway!!
Katherine Mon, Mar 22, 2010, 7:41 AM
39. Ruby, I am watching you with great interest. I am and have been heavy most of life!(8yrs old). I never knew I had "problems" til after I was pregnant. We (husband * I) had to have two years of fertility drugs and other help because we couldn't get pregnant. (my hormones were on overload) During which time I "remembered" by dreaming... that I was molested by my brother, which set off a chain of events that rival yours. My marrige fell apart, my husband had sex with a co-worker (I was 8 months pregnant * he couldn't handle what I remembered... either!) My Dad confided in me, that he had aways thought that my mother had been abused by her father. (She still hasn't faced it) This Grandfather had this brother (when small) staying with him during summers. (which is where and how he learned to molest) It fractured the family 3brothers/4sisters. One other sister was molested by this brother. My mom was forced to help her, but no one helped me? Why? My father didn't know, til I told him.
KC Mon, Mar 22, 2010, 8:38 AM
40. Ruby * You are so on the journey that many women have traveled on. This is not as unusual as most might think. My father was an alcoholic and he did some things to me as a 4 year-old that I remember vividly but I don't think he did anything else because my mother stopped him. But that may not have been the last time and I don't remember it. I am obese and have been for numerous reasons throughout my life and it doesn%u2019t help that I have hypothyroidism. My mother didn't like having children in her later years and I loved my Dad so much that his actions were even more terrible then they would have if I had hated him. It has been a long hard road and now I am in my 60's and I still think about those days. I try to forget but it isn't easy. Best of luck darlin'. Love and hugs!
Beth B Mon, Mar 22, 2010, 8:53 AM
41. Its so true, Ruby. Whenever I'd start to lose the weight, I'd start to sabotage myself * my subconscious would be arguing, playing tug-of-war, telling me "NO, I need that stuff to protect me!" The closer I'd get to being healthy, the stronger the drive to bury my demons would get. Don't give up!
Trudge Mon, Mar 22, 2010, 9:46 AM
42. Hi Ruby: Thanks so much for the kind words about your Mom. At an advanced age, I am learning how weight around my waistline is aggravated by stress. I began having that situation at age 8, when my parents went thru a very traumatic time. Thru the years, my parents and I have made peace which allowed me to take great care of them in their last years, and I still grieve their passing. They are my heroes, and when I see other members of their families, I admire them tremendously. Like you say, my childhood stresses were caused by childhood sensitivities, and it is time to "put away childish things." Our food addiction may have saved our lives back then, and now we have to learn to cope as adults. You are my inspiration and I thank you from the bottom of my heart! With much love as we trudge the road of happy destiny!
Lynne Greiner Mon, Mar 22, 2010, 10:27 AM
43. Ruby....last nights episode touched me in so many ways....It confirmed alot that my therapist was saying just this week. Thank you for going through this journey and letting us watch and learn about our self...Thank you....thank you!
Jennifer Mon, Mar 22, 2010, 11:01 AM
44. Ruby, You are truly an inspirtation to all you strength to go on is amazing I enjoy watching your show as you change and lose more weight and try to live your life more heathy. Your courage to put your life out there in the open like that is something I cant believe. I wouldnt dream of having all those cameras in my face all day everyday of my life while I'm struggling through what very well could be the most difficult time of my life.... But best wishes and I will continue to watch.. You inspire me so much.. Thank your Ruby from the bottom of my heart for your strength and compassion... Keep up the good work...
Shirl Mon, Mar 22, 2010, 11:41 AM
45. Ruby, I have watched since the first. I am worried about what you will find. A storm to go thru before the sun. I believe you were most likely sexually abused at the age where your memories stopped and I know you are afraid of what you will find. I know you loved your father so and if you mother was jealous of him maybe she encouraged you to eat. You know a mother can shape a child's personality and life and the child doesn't even know it. If your father was paying too much attention to you maybe she wanted you to eat. Women your mother's age had very old fashioned ideas about sex. Maybe your relationship with your father was not as normal as you wanted to think it was. I am sure your mother may have as many problems as you do with this secret. I pray that you will lean on God to walk with you thru this valley. Lean on him and ask him to take you through and give you strength to accept what you see. Hiding will be worse from now on. You must face this devil. Love 2 U
Lisa Mon, Mar 22, 2010, 12:54 PM
46. Ruby. You have inspired me every step of your way. I can't help but to think hyphnosis might help you with your dreams and regaining your memories. Good Luck!
Sarah Knapp Mon, Mar 22, 2010, 1:39 PM
47. Ruby, You are such a sweet * loving person! You are a very good role model to a lot of kids * teens like me. (i'm 15) I will pray that you will be able to find all the pieces to your puzzle! Keep up the amazing progess! Stay Sweet, Sarah
Jessica Mon, Mar 22, 2010, 1:54 PM
48. Ruby, Ruby! You amaze me! It takes a lot for someone to go in search of their true self and to dig up subconscious issues to heal themselves. After watching the last show, all I could think about is a class that my mom has been going through to learn how to help people heal through family constellations. It's very intersting stuff if you can ever look into it, sounds to me like it is exactly what you are trying to do. Here's a link to the lady's website that she learned from. Best of luck to you!!!http://www.thehealthyplanet.com/nov07_family.htm
Connie Mon, Mar 22, 2010, 1:55 PM
49. Ruby, Your blog on the last show, was * is excellent. You have such a great outlook on all this, I don't have a lot of memories from my childhood, but I do know it was traumatic, I've always had nightmares. I call them my movies. My husband says sometimes I act out physically and hit him. I tell him, What happens when Im asleep Im not accountable for. LOL. If I could remember enough of these dreams to write them down. I could sell them and make a fortune. LOL. I am the youngest of four. My mother also went thru depression, that I didn't know about until I was an adult. To this day I don't get told things, like if an Aunt dies or someone is sick. They don't want to upset me. and yes, I was a crybaby, they said I cried all the time. I do know Iam sensitive, but goodness gracious I am 46 years old, you can tell me if Aunt Sally died. I did talk to my mom about this, so now she calls and tells me about people that died that I swear I've never heard of, I get so tickled. TTYL, Connie
Debra Lee Mon, Mar 22, 2010, 3:30 PM
50. Dear Ruby -Your journey so moved me. Your zest for life and your courage are inspirational. My sister and I coped with our issues by over-eating. The 12 Step Program is a great way to help you and you find clarity and serenity. Please stay courageous until you get to the root of your childhood issues and/or trauma. Your childhood welts when people touched you (except for Dr. Duke) and that you treated it with a hot shower screams of a physical trauma. It also matches up with your nightmare. In front of your family and friends, someone is openly trying to kill/poison you without anyone but you being aware of what's going on. That you fear telling them would put them at risk also illuminates your story: Someone at one time ** without your family or friends knowing, did something something to you. A child predator would threaten a child's family to "not tell". Sadly, this would explain your eating as coping and "hiding". I know. It happened to me, too. Stay Strong. Hugs. Deb