Ruby on Breaking Through, Recovering and Letting Go of Fear
Sun., May. 8, 2011 6:00 PM PDT by Ruby Gettinger
Thank y'all so much for supporting me on my journey! I truly do not know what I would have done without all of your support and prayers.
A few people were mad and very ugly to me about my weight gain. I am sorry I disappointed people; that was never my intention. I have no excuses! The truth is, my addiction took over me again. I am actually so happy y'all got to experience this with me, because so many of you have asked me how I stay motivated. This season you were able to watch me go through the hardest time since my journey began! You saw me battling my beast, and I struggled just like y'all! I went downhill so fast, and I was oblivious to what was happening to me. This season was the hardest for me. My life was in a storm that turned into a tornado, into a hurricane, into an earthquake that shook me so hard I believed I would never get back up!
Let me say again how sorry I am again about failing all of you! And believe me when I tell you no one can say anything worse to me than what I have said to myself.
This battle has been going on with me since I can remember, and that starts at 13. I've tried every diet known to man! I began this journey to find out two things: Why was my weight the only thing in my life I couldn't get control over? And why was it controlling my life and so many others' and at the same time killing us?
The journey so far has taught me this is NOT about being lazy, gluttonous, stupid, etc. Something is controlling us! We are blinded by its power mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically.
I am finally going to OA, and this is what changed my mind.
Tennie, her friend Cathy, her daughter Karen and Georgia and I went to the 40-year reunion of Willingway. We started talking in the car about OA and AA, and Tennie asked me if I prayed for God to help me. I told her I felt bad praying for God to help me, because it's my fault. I am the one eating the food. I brought this on myself.
Tennie said, "An eating disorder is a disease like any other disease. No one caused it, it's not a character defect, and you are not weak-willed. It is an addiction that is treatable."
Everything in me tells me this is true! I live it!
What happens is I keep hearing or reading how this is our fault. And when I do fail, some people who are supposed to be there for me walk away and act like I do not exist. They are truly so mad at me! But after that amazing weekend, I do not care any longer who is mad at me, and I pray they never have to deal with any kind of an addiction.
I want to share with y'all what I found out!
A man who has been sober for 37 years told of how he was speaking to another man who asked him to explain the steps. The first one was, "I admitted I was powerless over [fill in the blank]."
Then he went to the next step, and the other man stopped him and said, "You forgot the second part of the step, the part after the dash. It says, ‘My life had become unmanageable.' "
Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh, I cried like a baby, because that is what happened with my life. My life became unmanageable. I had never heard that part! OMGOSH! My addiction had caused my life to turn upside down!
Then he said the book Alcoholics Anonymous talks about a "phenomenon of craving."
I asked Tennie what that means.
Her response: "The craving does not start until the substance is put into the body...When we remember how the food tastes and how it made us feel, that is all we think about, and we become obsessed with it. Physical craving becomes overpowering. Once the substance is in our body, we want more."
I started to get it!
Another person who spoke that weekend talked about the "lost child," and that was how I felt. Both speakers had me wanting to read the book I rejected for so long and to start going to OA.
I asked Tennie to explain what OA was to her, and why she believes it works. What do they have that is different from diets?
She said, "Overeaters Anonymous is a fellowship of like-minded people with the same disease we have. Recovery is when one suffering person reaches out to another because they identify with the disease and all the thoughts, feelings and behaviors that go along with the disease...Overeating is never about the food but is about what is going on inside of us. If we could have stopped eating on our own, we would have; in OA we are not alone. Diets are a temporary fix."
OH MY LORD, I am getting it finally! My next question: "Why should we read a book about alcoholism?"
Her response: "Yale University came out with a study in which they were able to show that food affects the brain the same way cocaine and alcohol do. Alcoholics Anonymous teaches us precisely how to recover, step by step. We have a spiritual problem in which we make the food our god and give all our power to the eating disorder. Since the ED is a spiritual problem, the solution must also be spiritual. The book teaches us how to live and to enlist the aid of a power greater than ourselves."
My Breakthrough With Paula
I said, "I don't want them to show it," and this is why:
I have an older brother, John, who is mentally challenged. He is the light of my life! Since I was 13 years old I have taken care of him; I took him everywhere I went.
There is so much guilt that comes along with having a child or sibling who has special needs when you are the normal one. In my teens, when I started driving and going off with my friends and wasn't with him 24/7, it became very hard for him. So I ended up taking him to as many places as I could! I had to deal with kids calling him retarded, making fun of him. Then his sweet tears of innocence! He asked me almost every day, Ruby, why can't I read like you? Ruby, why can't I drive? Ruby, why can't I do this or that?
The guilt of all that was killing me, and I didn't even know!
I would say the right things to make him feel better about himself, and I'd show him all the things he could do. I watched him earn gold medals in the Special Olympics, where he played basketball, ran and bowled. He was born to be an athlete! I would watch him do all these things, but his mind could only let him go so far.
I didn't realize how much I was carrying inside with my brother. No one can understand what it's truly like to be a parent or sibling of a child with special needs. No one can truly prepare you! How can they, when so much of it deals with your heart?
I was a teenager perceiving this. But even as an adult, you still feel the guilt. YOU carry this unique, special person, this gift from God. They're the only children who know how to love unconditionally and forgive and forget as God does! But even knowing all this we still have to learn more patience than ever before.
I still do not have my memories of childhood, but I know I had to feel the same feelings. Also, the stories I hear from my parents and siblings that I was always taking care of John, making sure he was happy all the time. I would get in anyone's face, no matter how big, if they tried to make fun of him or hurt him! They say John followed me around nonstop.
So when I told Paula I was mad, I was mad at the fact that my brother John was born this way! I was mad because I have to live with it every day. Every time I talk with him he asks, Why can't I read, drive, do this or that? For me to finally say I was mad and felt guilty was a HUGE breakthrough for me! I've carried this load forever and could never admit the way I felt—it would make me a bad person!
And the reason I couldn't let this all play out on TV is that I would never hurt John, and he watches every one of my shows over and over again. If he heard this, he would be hurt and never understand.
But I found out through all this that it is OK to feel, and to voice the way you feel!
My mom was the best mother; I feel so blessed to have her! She did the best—and better than best—with what she was given. She had a mentally challenged child, and the doctors told her for months he was normal. No one can ever prepare you for all the emotions that will come with this, and the daily tasks!
When I said to my mom, "You know what I am talking about," it was regarding something she told me about one of our friends involved with a special needs child who wanted to get pregnant and have another baby.
My mother said to me, "I hope she doesn't have another baby."
And I asked why.
She said, "Because it will only take away from the baby having enough attention or the parent being there."
WOW! WOW! She didn't even know how powerful her words were! When I repeated them to her, she was in shock and heard herself and saw for herself. My mom still carries so much guilt that does not belong to her. She is the best woman you could ever know. She is amazing!
My mom grew up with a mentally challenged sister, and Jeanie truly was an angel, a gift from God! (I will tell her sister's story to y'all one day.) And then my mom has a mentally challenged child, my sweet beautiful brother John. Then my sister ends up having a mentally challenged child too, my sweet Karen, who is too sweet for words! They all three love beyond expectation and only see the good in people! The mentally challenged never judge another human being,even when they are treated badly. Their love is the kind of love we should all have. The love that can change the world!
(By the way, they were not born like this; they were all born normal, and accidents happened at their births. This is when you trust God and believe!)
I have received many emails from mothers with special-needs children. Please hear me loud and clear: You didn't do anything wrong, and you are doing the best you can! God is not punishing you for something, either. If God was punishing you for something you did or did not do, we all would be punished! Life is just happening to us. Thank God we have places now we can go to for help, groups and hotlines! Use the Internet, call churches and organizations that can help you. You do not have to carry this alone any longer.
So as you can see, I have had many breakthroughs. But I still have no memories of my childhood, only dreams. I have finally committed with Dr. Jane to try EMDR. I do not know what made me forget 12 years of my life, but I do know that each day I am closer to finding out.
Tennie McCarty, Paula White, Dr. Jane Weilenman, Rosie O'Donnell and Oprah are some of the strongest women I know. They all have been so supportive of me and have been there to help me in many ways. They have helped me see what I cannot see, but the most important thing is to not fear!
Secrets kept, secrets hidden, are so bad. The pain is so deep! The ones who have secrets kept from them still know, even though they can't remember—because the body remembers. All of your senses remember! So the pain they feel they can't begin to explain, even to themselves, and before you know it they are overindulging in alcohol, drugs, food (or starving)…just so they can numb their feelings.
The ones who know and keep it a secret do the same to numb and to run away from their feelings.
Secrets are evil, they will destroy us!
I get so many emails from people who carry secrets. It is time to free yourself from them all! I beg you!
A lot of us do not want people to think we have issues or problems. Guess what, we ALL have issues, problems and baggage! This is life! If someone portrays like they do not, then they are a wounded soul. Pray for them so they can be free!
Once again, I am so sorry I let me and y'all down! I am on a journey to find out the truth and get healthy and beat my addiction. You watched me fight and win—and lose. Now you will watch me come back!
These kids made T-shirts with one of my favorite quotes, which I had posted on my Facebook page. That touched my heart so much! The shirts say,
"A SETBACK IS A SETUP FOR A COMEBACK."
For every one of you who told me you gained half your weight back or more and said you gave up until you saw me do the same, I want to share some words from Dr. Jane:
"Relapse is part of recovery. Recovery does not go in a straight, ascending line, but will have valleys along the way. It is important to remember what triggers the valley experiences and to remember your long-term goals, but most importantly to follow each step of your short-term goals, which will help you climb out of the valley and back onto the right path up the hill or mountain.
Recovery is about steady progress, but due to the nature of the beast (our own emotional and psychological issues...our "shadow"), the beast sometimes causes us to take two steps backward before we are able to take three steps forward.
The bottom line is to never give up, and to find the purpose even during the relapse or valley experiences. Everything has a purpose in helping us obtain our goals. It is about the journey, not the destination!"
I am making my comeback and want y'all to make yours with me! I do not care how many times we fail and believe we can't do it.
Today is a new day, yesterday is gone! We can't go back and correct or fix it. We can't predict tomorrow, so we have no control over it! What we have is today! Today is your new beginning! Today is the day you start your new life. Take it each day! One day at a time! Please go to OA, AA, NA, etc. in your town. There is a bond there and friends there you will make for a lifetime. They need you as badly as you need them!
Click here to find a meeting near you! If you need to, start with phone meetings or online meetings, but try to go in person. Paula White has incredible podcasts, CDs, DVDs and books. Please go here and email or talk with Tennie McCarty (1-800-588-4673 or 1-325-572-3843). She is there to help you and has her family on call 24/7. Watch Tyler Perry's movies; they are truly inspirational and funny, and I love him because he has a message and shows you a way out. I just saw his latest movie, Madea's Big Happy Family. Madea talks about secrets and what they will do to you.
Do not fear! Fear will only keep us frozen in time! It's time for us to go to the edge and fly to our freedom!
I love you with all my heart.
xoxo,
Ruby
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Show the next 51 - 100 of 993 comments
Now loading...Sherrie Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:16 PM
1. First let me say I am proud of you for all you have done to lose all your weight. Second I was a sexually abused child from the time I was 8 my stepfather abused me everytime my mother left the house I tried to tell her what was going on and she called me a liar and said I was only trying to break up her marriage so I suffered in silence after that, not being able to do anything about it. I didn't come to terms with it until I became an adult and found out I wasn't the only one to have this happen to and I didn't have anything to be ashamed of and it wasn't my fault. I hope that it didn't happen to you but if it did know you are not alone and there are people you can talk to. Love you and your show, Sherrie
Dawn Shealy Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:18 PM
2. Dear Ruby, You have not let anyone down. The people who are saying mean and hurtful things to you need to deal with their own demons! I am in the same place that you are right now. I gained half of my weight back that I recently lost. It is hard to get motivated again. After listening to Rosie tell it like it is though I realize why. I don't like men looking at me like they did when I was skinny. I to am a survivor of sexual abuse. Some things I have always known. Some came back during therapy. The rest I decided I didn't need to know. Even now I don't want to own it at times. I hate being a victim. I WANT TO BE A SURVIVOR! Please don't worry about who you are letting down other than yourself and your close nit friends and family! I wish I knew you. You are a wonderful inspiration! Best of luck! Dawn
Lesli "Jazmine" Saunders Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:19 PM
3. Hello Ruby, I have been following your journey from it's conception. Tonight while you were in Ny I heard some of the things you said. I mean I really heard them this time. I am also a survivor of abuse. It started for me when I was 7 and the first one was my step-sister, next was my step-uncle, next my step-cousin, next my favorite teacher (5th grade), and lastly was my mothers best friends husband. It was rough no doubt sweetie and the road at many times I like you just wanted to die from. Tonight you mentioned that huge monster swooping down and eating you. I had that monster once and he was tremendously scary. Untill I realized that monster is a big as I allow it to be. I also understand when you can't breathe and I think that scares you more than you let on. Ruby you can do this! It is freaking scary but look at it this way honey, you have battled that huge monster already because you already started the fight. I am here if you ever need to talk or vent. I am proud of you! Jaz
Janelle Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:24 PM
4. Good Luck Ruby. When will your show be back on T.V.?
Kim Steiner Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:24 PM
5. Don't worry about letting people down and only worry about your journey. People shouldn't get mad at Ruby for gaining weight. You aren't in her shoes and you shouldn't judge other people. If everybody lived their own lives and left other people to their own, it would be a better world we lived in. I also want to tell Ruby she writes beautifully. Your blog is written so eloquently and even your writings from when you were younger were very well written. Good Luck to you Ruby and I am very proud of you. I look forward to your show every week.
Jay Michaels Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:26 PM
6. Ruby ** You never let any of us down... It's called life, you're human... big hugs and kisses to you ** you're an inspiration to so many! Love you! xo
Dana Gilson Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:26 PM
7. Ruby; The people who were mean to you must not have a weight issue or are just plain mean. I myself have a weight issue and have had many people be mean to me. This is such a hard thing to change, but it can be changed. I am an emotional eater. I do well but when I get over whelmed, all I want to do is eat. Some do not understand this. You have set yourself out here for us to learn from, love, and be motivated. You are not perfect along with us. I love what you do and I support you as much as I can from here. I hope you do well, but don't beat yourself up over this. You will succeed. You have such a support team and you are truly blessed. I enjoy seeing you with Paula also. I send love and best wishes to you. God bless and I pray for you.
Misty Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:29 PM
8. Dear Ruby, You did not let us down. Our society expects everyone to be skinny and if they aren't they are shunned and judged. Your weight gain showed that life happens and sometimes the journey is not exactly how we expect it to be. Keep on doing a great job, and know I believe in you and your journey. Sometimes time does heal all wounds, who are we to define how long that time will be. I believe in you
mary Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:29 PM
9. LOVE YOU RUBY!! PRAYING FOR YOU!
Cindy Brown Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:30 PM
10. Ruby, your journey this year has been incredibly hard to watch. I too have had relapse in my weight loss program. I admire the way that you were able to loose what you have!!!!! You are in my prayers every night when I ask God to help me with my struggle. Please don't give up. I really want you to get to your goal, find love, and have family of your own and I know you will. Remember, though we have not met, I am there struggling right beside you!
sandra Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:30 PM
11. Hi Ruby, I've NEVER felt disappointed by you. In you, I see myself. Truly. I'm 50 years old, single, never married, have always been a big girl. In my case, big means that at my highest weight I was 364 lbs. I'm 5'4. By cutting out certain foods and walking I lost 140 lbs about 8 yrs ago. Since then I've gained back about 80 lbs. Two years ago I started slowing losing weight and lost about 35 lbs. Last year I was diagnosed with Stage iv Hodgkins Lymphoma. It took 6 mos to figure out what my illness was and I was quite ill when they finally started chemo. The good news is that I am now cancer free. I had hoped that cancer would make me stoned and skinny!!! Isn't that something, to look even to such a horrible thing as cancer and hope that I'd get thin because of it?! Turns out my chemo involved a ton of prednisone (which makes you gain weight) and the medical pot was just way too strong for me. So, I spent about a year or more on the couch..and got way bigger again. Back to the gym!
Christine Nemia Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:31 PM
12. Ruby, you could never disappoint me. It's journey with ups and downs. Just keep going, knowing that I am behind you all of the way. I have faith in you and you should have faith in yourself. Nothing worth having is easy. Love you!!
Corin Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:31 PM
13. I was never disappointed in you, I know how hard it is. I feel the same way you do, tomorrow is a new day and I cannot correct what I did wrong yesterday. I will keep working as I hope you do to. Good luck and much luv!
Marty Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:32 PM
14. Ruby, you have not disappointed me, I still find you inspiring. What you are doing is far from easy, doubly so because there are those around you who think they have solved your mystery while you are still gathering up the clues. You have a lot of recovery yet ahead of you, and you should not let anyone else determine your pace, meaning those who are criticizing or attacking you. Just remember, anything someone says about you says more about themselves. I sure hope your TV show continues, but if it doesn't just know that your bravery and tenacity will continue to inspire me on my own journey for a long time to come. I don't think your Beast is going to get the best of you, even with this weight gain is just a couple steps back so you can go safely farther forward.
Chris Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:32 PM
15. Ruby, Dont apologize for letting other people down!! You are in this for you! Just re-evaluate your position and start over! The mass will see you when you get back up every time! God inspires each of us everytime you get back up, because we know your strength lies in Him, and that the determination is yours! If Style doesn't continue your journey, it will be a great loss to them, but not for you! Just remember "The Climb" (song) from a few seasons ago!! Seeing ur discomfort in NY reminds me how I live everyday...paranoid with my obesity and "being in the way" and Rosie too was right about how we use our humor to fend off attention we want but afraid to recieve. When she talked about going to the ice cream store after she got attention, it stung...I realize I'm that way. We self sabbatoge when we feel we get attention/love/deep respect etc and we punish ourselves because for some reason we don't understand or know how to accept it. I have a handicap bro too! * With Love, Chri
southern belle Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:32 PM
16. Dear Ruby, I have enjoyed watching your show and your life. I am amazed every week to see how many extrodinary friends you have around you. I know that you are a Christian and you probably realize that God has blessed you with these incredable people, but I just want to tell you that you are extremely blessed to have so many people around you who love you! I feel very, very alone many times and wish that I had somebody who actually cared for me! You are very blessed to have people who care about you and want to help you. I'm happy for that reason alone really...that you have people in this world that love you and help you.
Gail Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:32 PM
17. Ruby, the mind is a great thing. I to have demons in my life. I heard Joyce Meyers talk about the mind controls the body. She gave a statement is like this. Say stop out loud and tell the demon to go away. You then have to start thinking about other things. The fear is in all of us. To face it is one of the best things that you can do. You have faced other fears and come thru it. You are at a age that you need to take care of yourself and talk to yourself the positive things that will happen not the negative. The (I can do this works). I look forward to hearing more about you weight loss. Gail
June Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:34 PM
18. Ruby, you have not let anyone down, you don't have to take on that burden. I'm glad that you have decided on OA, because sharing a mutual experience will help you move past blaming yourself. This is a vicious cycle. Stay strong lady, I think you're wonderful and brave at any size.
Katherine Elwell Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:34 PM
19. You havnt let no one down as many addictions i go in i understand relapse happens you get back up people think it takes one time it dont its your own monsters i am sitting here in tears now i understand why i was drawn to your show my mom had mild retardation she couldnt hold a job she was born with it but she had us 3healthy kids when doctors told her no you cant take care of a kid because of her disability she raised us on foodstamps but i would get so mad at her i remember at times when she needed my help with the bills etc... i feel horrible i called her retarded and stupid ** now its too late to take that all back she died walking down the road march 1 2010 in cardiac arrest she was 52 and over weight she was told by the doctors to stop eating fried foods so much she didnt listen tyyyyy ruby you totally got me here i was a disgusting bully to my own mother with a disability keepppppp your journey please and ty for sharing this means the world to me i am gonna get help
Leslie Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:35 PM
20. Ruby, I love you. You truly are an inspiration to me. Please know that there are so many of us that know what you are going through.
Nicole Moore Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:35 PM
21. Ruby thank u so so much for telling us your story....I hope one day I can find that inner strength myself and battle my inner demons that have made me obese for my whole life...
Erin Sawyer Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:37 PM
22. "Relapse is part of Recovery"!!!! Ruby I hope you hear this loud and clear. This is a true and healthy statement. Now get back in the ring and kick butt like I believe you can!!!!
Janet Williams Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:39 PM
23. Dearest sister Ruby, girl I love you and am standing with you. I lost 30 pounds last year and gained back 10. I have about 90 pounds to go and need to lose it to protect my kidneys and lower my blood pressure. It is a fight as I have been heavy since I was a child. I also am hypothyroid and although I am on meds and it says it's normal, if I don't exercise, I can't lose at all. Ruby,you are such an encouragement and I appreciate you so very much. I have joined T.O.P.S. again as they helped encourage me to lose the 30 pounds last year. We are going to have times when we blow it, but we must pick up and go on because this is not a DIE-T it is a way to LIVE. We are learning a new way of life and how to be healthy. It is a continuing journey. God bless you and God bless John and your mama. I would like to share my new book with you but I do not know where to send it?? Love and hugs from your sister Jan.
Teresa Bowen Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:41 PM
24. Ruby, my husband and I live in the Upstate of S.C. He's been going through a post-traumatic stress disorder over the past three years dealing with night terrors of abuse he recieved as a child from his mother. He had no memory of it until four years ago. It's been a difficult, crazy journey. There have been times he's been hospitalized, times he's disassociated into a small boy, times he hasn't been able to function, simply because of this awful abuse perpetrated by the person who is supposed to love you the most. He weighs over 450 pounds and we can both identify with your journey so much. You haven't let anyone down. This is your private journey which you've chosen to share with us. It's still your journey, though. None of us is in a place to judge where you are or where you should be on this path. Keep your eyes on the cross, let the distractors stay on the sidelines, ignorant of their own issues. God bless you. Teresa
Tracy Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:41 PM
25. Ruby, you are not letting any of us down. The fact that you show your struggle on national TV makes you so strong. Please continue to be brave and to take it one day at a time. Your friends and family love you. You are an inspiration to so many. Your set backs show that you are a regular person with struggles just like everyone else. Please think positive and keep on going.
Julie Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:41 PM
26. Ruby, I have watched your show for 3 seasons now and just adore you! I am about 150 lbs overweight and know why, but have very little control especially at this point in my life. I watch as you forge relationships with these strong women and I admire you. I personally recoil at having that type of relationship with anyone (someone to tell me I am amazing, or that I can do something). But I guess I live through you. I do hope Style continues your show as I think that you probably do help so many people out there. I don't think you should worry about disappointing anyone but yourself. Don't beat yourself up over missteps, move on from them. I can't wait to see you after you have finished this leg of your journey. God's speed Ruby! Fondly, Julie
Lauren Bagley Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:44 PM
27. I just watched the finale and read this blog and my heart truly goes out to you, but I am cheering you on girl. Take the advice of these powerful women that GOD has blessed to cross your path because it is truly a blessing that can't be denied. You are going to have to let go of any guilt from the past because it can be a major contributor to where you are going in your future. You can do this and I know it because I can relate in many ways. Thankyou for your bravery and vulnerability for all of us.
Judy Cangemi Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:44 PM
28. Pt. 1: Ruby you did not let me down. In fact, I can relate to you even more when you have setbacks. It makes me feel like less of a failure when I stumble and I am able to pick myself quicker. I am a blogger, too, but I've been slacking. I'm going to pick it up now. Since your season ended, I need it to keep myself accountable. Like you, people have told me that hearing about my struggles help them get through their own. Not millions but if I can help just one someone, I couldn't ask for more. Recently I've had repressed memories come to the surface. At 40 years old I found out that I am an incest survivor. Even though it happened so long ago, it feels like it just happened. I joined a 12-step and once my financial situation gets better, I will go back to therapy. I tried EMDR int he past but my subconscious mind was still protecting me then so it wasn't as effective as it could be. Now that I have traumatic events to draw from, I can fully benefit from the therapy.
Mira Pennington Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:44 PM
29. It really bothered me to read that people had said mean things to and about you because of your relapse. You do not owe any of us a thing, and you do not need to apologize. We watch your show because we love you. We can't live our life through you, so how could you disappoint us? Everyone fails at some point, no one is perfect. Take care of yourself, first and foremost, and remember that there are people out there who really do love you. I wish you all the best.
Mary Wells Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:45 PM
30. Ruby, You do not need to feel as if you failed anyone else. Please do not put the expectations of others on your shoulders. I have lost over 100 pounds at least 3 times in my life and always gained it back. Once I dealt with the sexul abuse in my childhood-(which I never rememebered until I was in my mid 30's) through counseling, this time as I lose it will saty off due to the help I asked for and received. OA is a great place for you to be, sharing with poeple that understand what you are going through is so valuable. I wish you all the best in your journey and hope we will be able to share it with you on Style or another network if they are foolish enough to cancel your show. We are all cheering you on Ruby every day!! Believe in yourself and know that you are worth every effort you can make to get healthy and strong emotionally and physically. God Bless you, Mary
Kim Campbell Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:45 PM
31. You have not let anyone down dear Ruby,people that say that you have, have never expericenced an addiction. So until they do they will never understand. * what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" I have learner so much from your journey. May the lord bless you for sharing your pain and struggles with the world......
cathy smith Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:45 PM
32. Ruby, You haven't let anyone down you are a wonderful person that has had the courage to share part of her life with all of us. This was done so unselfishly to hope that you could help us, while you were getting help for yourself. Ruby, God love us all and no matter the trouble we get into, he will guide a light to get us out. I know that struggle are hard but you will meet your goal one day. You are a very special lady and hope the best for you. God Bless you. I have faith you will reach your goal. You have inspired me to do as well. I have been 364 before. I am on my way home back to a safer weight. I have diabetes and I am working to reverse this. Ruby I hope you find good health, love, and peace with in. God Be with you. Love You!!
Judy Cangemi Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:46 PM
33. Pt 2: I hope the EMDR works for you. I will keep checking in with you on your blog. Maybe one day you can check in on mine. I would be honored if my words could help you just like you're helping me. LOVE your support network. They are a blessing1 I've tapped into their energy as well. I am so proud of you! Thank you! Hugs, Judy
Dawn Carlson Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:47 PM
34. I am so sorry that people have been hateful to you about your weight gain. Anybody who has lost weight has gained weight * I am sure of that. I lost 42 pounds last year, was at my goal weight, and then tried to maintain and failed * I haven't weighed, but I think I'm up at least 15 of those pounds again. I am very unhappy with myself. But I am going to lost it again. I will conquer thus beast. God bless you, Ruby, as you go through this journey in such a public way! I'm with Rosie on the Denny issue * I don't think he's good for you!
John Loperena Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:49 PM
35. Ruby please remember even the best runners stumble. Pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and get going again. We are all with you.
Ruth A Olson Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:49 PM
36. Dear Ruby: Chat with Paula about shame-based, legalistic church groups and how the methods of worship, etc., can affect how we think about ourselves. At 72, I saw myself in you with your guilt and shame. I think that a Christian healing group called "The Walk to Emmaus" would open your heart and mind as to who you are in Christ's eyes and comprehend it in your soul as opposed to knowing it logically. We are made in the image of God (Body, Soul and Spirit----3 in one) and when we change one part, the other two parts must follow suit or we don't learn it. I've never understood how the church group I grew up in taught me so much shame and guilt...now they tell me how to let it go.....so much confusion can happen when we don't stay tight with our Maker on a minute-by-minute basis. He is the one we have to answer to. The book "Your God is too Small" will help you see how you view God....it sure helped me. Love you because you are a younger version of me. Ruth in Minneapolis
Amanda Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:50 PM
37. Hi Ruby! I have followed your show since the begining and wanted to let you know you are truly inspirational. For anyone who was ugly to you for loosing weight, shame on them. Until you walk in someone else's shoes and know what a difficult thing weight loss can be they can keep their comments to themselves. I am 27 and have also done every diet you can think of. Two years ago I decided to undergo lap band surgery. It has helped get half of my goal weight off but it has not helped me deal with the food addiction. Seeing your show helped me make the decision to seek out FAA and OA. I am very nervous about starting the meetings but I hope it will help me figure out why I can control everything else in my life except my eating habits. Remember this weight loss journey is yours and no body else's. To see how far you have come since the begining of your series is amazing! You are a beautiful woman and I look forward to seeing your end result.
Kansas Kim Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:51 PM
38. Ruby, There is nothing to be sorry about. When you apologize for your weight gain, you are taking on so much responsibility for others opinions and comments about you, when the only one that needs the apology is yourself. YOU ARE HUMAN! There are going to be set backs. You can't take a long journey and not have one. Unless I am to understand different, you are not perfect. You continue amaze me and inspire me so much. I don't know you personally but you mean alot to me! You are beautiful at the weight you are now. What you lose is for yourself and your health and no one else. But, I thank you for being humble enough to say, "hey everybody I messed up" and the best part of you being a role model is to say, "but I will continue to fight." My dearest Ruby...God/Goddess bless your heart. You are such an amazing woman to me. Thank you for having the courage to take your battle public, because of this, I have started my journey to change and learn to love myself. Thank you!
sandra Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:51 PM
39. During your NYC trip to go on Rosie's radio show, I so completely related to the physical obstacles we run into...and not just run into....but the anxiety I often experience before going to an event, or going on a plane, or going to a restaurant.... dealing with my own Bertha... it seems as if I'm always worried about the chair I am going to have to sit in. I've broken chairs and it is humiliating. Humiliating. i worry about my seat on an airplane and spilling over it. I've had the people seated next to me move, too. I know that moment you had on the Subway. I hate walking down a corridor at work or walking down the street and seeing people move aside as they see me coming their way. I remember not fitting into school uniforms when I was young. And being teased and disciplined because of my weight growing up. Really Ruby, I get it. I have a good circle of friends and thank god for that. I love watching you and your show. Wouldn't miss it for the world. Let me know when you come to SF.
Jessie Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:52 PM
40. Ruby please listen to the advice on OA, it has changed my life. Your show has also been just one more motivator for me to believe in myself and not give up. Reading this blog has revealed even more of your life and the past you are trying to find. It is obvious how much you love your family and the last thing you want to do is hurt any of them. Keep pursuing your childhood memories because I think the truth of your childhood may unlock some of the weight issues. I can't wait to see you reach your goals!!!!
Tammy Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:54 PM
41. You are such an inspiration to me. I cry while watching the show but I also laugh so hard. You are such a great person. Never ever give up, I know I want.
Patricia Rhodes-Michel Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:54 PM
42. Ruby * Thank you for being brave enough to let the world be a part of your journey, I love your show * We have no right to be mad at you * and I am proud of you for your strenght and courage * You should never be ashamed about being molested * we don't chose the people that raise us,and it seems that the main ones we love and trust are the ones that do us the most harm. I pray that you remember what you went through so you can heal * I love you * keep praying and let God
Lexi Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:56 PM
43. Ruby, hate hearing that someone was mean ro you! I'll smack them for you! You HAVE to have more episodes next season! You just got started! How can style leave us hanging like this???? Your story about your brother is so sad to me. What pain you must have felt to be so young dealing with all that stuff. He is lucky to have a sister like you to love him so much. Can hardly wait to see the next leg of your journey!!! Hurry up style and ger her back on!!!
Kim Sun, May 8, 2011, 6:58 PM
44. Ruby PLEASE stop apologizing to people for failing THEM. You failed NO ONE!! YOU are huma, and a beautiful one at that. ANYONE who made you feel *less than* for your setback is lacking compassion and understanding. You have INSPIRED so many!! Don't listen to mean people!! Just shine your own light and let them find their way in their own darkness. BIG love!!
Carson Sun, May 8, 2011, 7:01 PM
45. Ruby you are breaking through to recovery no matter how far from your weight goals you may be. It is not just about the weightloss numbers because you will get there eventually. We all have family secrets that go unsaid to keep from hurting someone, but if we at least seek some professional help to acknowledge the secret to someone then it can be healing to ourself. Ruby your show is truly helping more people than you may ever know. Thank you!!
Rachael Parker Sun, May 8, 2011, 7:03 PM
46. Ruby, you have NOT let anyone down!! if weight loss was easy we'd all be size 2, and wouldn't the world be a boring place!! People ARE hateful, rude and just plain mean to overweight women especially, my husband and I are both big people, I definatly get more of the hurtful remarks and rude gestures, secrets can eat you alive sweet girl, but let me tell you, LOVE is there for all of us, I found my soulmate when I was 40, and I know you'll find yours.. if someone TRULY loves you, they don't care WHAT size you are... honestly!! and the people who were hateful after you regained some weight, well, they were never your friend to begin with, Girl you started out at over 700lbs, so you gained some back, big deal!! go to OA and get back on the wagon, I so PROUD of you, your a wonderful woman, and deserve so much in life... I will keep following you, no matter what forum you broadcast through, as will hundreds of thousands of people in the same boat... we love you Ruby, bless you...
Ginny Sun, May 8, 2011, 7:06 PM
47. Ruby, I am from SC and just came back from NYC last week. I am also obese and let me tell you...I felt more fat there than anywhere else. I even had someone push me away in a packed elevator because she felt I was too close. But I couldn't help it! A few years ago, I lost down to a size 14 and now I'm back up to a 24. I totally understand the relapse issue. Watching you shows me that I'm not the only person in the world to fail and feel miserable. But if there's more than one of us doing that, then I bet there's more than 1 person that can lose it again and keep it off. Thank you for opening up your life and your story for the rest of us. May God's love and blessings surround you!
Sherrie Atteberry Sun, May 8, 2011, 7:06 PM
48. Ruby, I just wanted to say, you keep showing your will to "Finish" will get you where you need to be in your journey and heart. You inspire many of us. I was once an Olympic hopeful and now am looking at myself thinking what the hell..How did I let myself get here 120 lbs needed to lose..The answer is we all have our demons,issues whatever it may be.. What I do know is weight loss is hard and I find inspiration from you.. It would be nice if Oprah's network picked up your show, I think she can relate to your struggle as she has had her own weight struggle, but on the business end with her bringing in her people "trainers" I think she would be more hands on encouraging your journey, which could help and at times hinder you.. However the following you have now would continue to grow... Best of luck..I will pray for your continued success..
Shayla Sun, May 8, 2011, 7:07 PM
49. As others have said, you have not let anyone down. I watch your show every week because it is such a touching story and I am pulling for you. I believe that you can do anything that you set your mind to doing. You are such an inspiration to me. I, personally, recognize that I hide behind my weight because I want to avoid sexual attention by men because I have been sexually harassed and I was in an abusive relationship for six years. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Ruby!
Dorean Sun, May 8, 2011, 7:10 PM
50. Hi Ruby, I think you are one of the most kindest, compassionate and loving people on this earth. I have really enjoyed walking with you thru your journey with food addiction. I admire you and respect you. Just remember one day Ruby, This Too Shall Pass. Love, Peace and Joy!